The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to
prove that they are the best at apprehending
criminals. The President decides to give them a
test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each
of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants
throughout the forest. They question all plant and
mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not
exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads
they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later
with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
'Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit.'

Man With No Ears

There was this man who was in a horrible accident,
and was injured. But the only permanent damage he
suffered was the amputation of both of his ears.
As a result of this 'unusual' handicap, he was
very self-conscious about his having no ears.

Because of the accident, he received a large sum
of money from the insurance company. It was always
his dream to own his own business, so he decided
with all this money he had, he now had the means
to own a business. So he went out and purchased a
small, but expanding computer firm. But he
realized that he had no business knowledge at all,
so he decided that he would have to hire someone
to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and
interviewed each of them. The first interview went
really well. He really liked this guy. His last
question for this first candidate was, 'Do you
notice anything unusual about me?' The guy said,
'Now that you mention it, you have no ears.'
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

The second interview went even better than the
first. This candidate was much better than the
first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man
asked the same question again, 'Do you notice
anything unusual about me?'
This guy also noticed, 'Yes, you have no ears.'
The man was really upset again, and threw this
second candidate out.

Then he had the third interview.. The third
candidate was even better than the second, the
best out of all of them. Almost certain that he
wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked,
'Do you notice anything unusual about me?'
The guy replied 'Yeah, you're wearing contact
lenses.'
Surprised, the man then asked, 'Wow! That's
quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?'

The guy burst out laughing and said, 'Well, You
can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!'

Golfing Father

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning
and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful
and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to
play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor
that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room,
Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course
about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his
parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and
everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the
Lord while looking down from the heavens and
exclaimed, 'You're not going to let him get away
with this, are you?'
The Lord sighed, and said, 'No, I guess not.'

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot
straight towards the pin, dropping just short of
it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420
YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He
looked at the Lord and asked, 'Why did you let
him do that?'


The Lord smiled and replied, 'Who's he going to
tell?'

EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced
that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be
known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the
first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft
'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this
news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be
replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be
replaced by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd
from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes
vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.